My Morning So Far

It's only 6:30 am, and I can hear you saying, "What POSSIBLY could have gone wrong by now?". Well, it's not all that tragic, just annoying. I actually woke myself up early today. Early as in 5:15 am. I am going to Chattanooga with my precious nephews, sister, and brother-in-law. I woke up early to go run, get breakfast ready, and still have time to shower and look decent for the day. I NEVER have motivation to run this early, but I actually got up, got dressed and headed out the door to the gym. Why not just run outside? Well it's dark, and I live by campus, so that means potential rape even walking out my front door. At least that's how I feel. I get to the gym at my apartment complex. It's closed. Not sure when it's open. Thought it was 24 hr since I have a key card to get me in. It's not. I woke up early for nothing, and I bet I won't run today. Whatever. It just set my morning off at a bad pace. I am now showered and trying to calm myself down from yesterday's events at work(boss screwing up schedule and jipping me out of money essentially because I won't work the schedule he wants even though I am not available then. So now I will probably be working 7 days a week between two jobs while looking for a third.) and this morning's episode. Now I suppose I will actually take time to dry my hair. I will be heading to Panera for some bagels and then finally preparing and egg, spinach, cheese casserole for breakfast. I do feel as though this will be a coffee kind  of morning. I can't wait to get in the car and head OUT of Murfreesboro. Most things that ail me right now reside in this wretched town. Maybe the rumor is true: Davis Market is the center of the universe and once you go there you never leave Murfreesboro. NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 

Bucket List

Maybe this will get me motivated to do some stuff:

•  Watch all the movies in my academy awards book
• Skydive
• Hike Yosemite Half Dome
• Fill my passport by 2015: Top Countries: Ireland, Spain, Italy, Greece, Germany, Canada (again), Japan
• Go to San Francisco in March
• Get my masters
• Move to Cali
• Learn to sew/knit/crochet
• Bake a wedding cake
• Help rebuild my dad's GTO
• Read all the Classics
• Hike the Grand Canyon
• Buy a house
• Study under a real photographer, like Annie Liebovitz. 

Many more to come....but here is a short list to get started.

So not good at this

It's been a month since I posted. Well, almost a month. Anyhow, I got into grad school! So that starts in January. I just posted some of my photography in JoZoara. It will be there until January. I suppose, since I want to accomplish some things I should make a bucket list. I like lists. So that's what I will do for my next post. Just wanted to update everyone really quick. The deepest part of me wants to write a melodramatic blog about all the negative things in life, but a bucket list sounds more uplifting. I need uplifting in my life.

Do this, do that

I have decided to start doing things I have always wanted to do. I am learning lots of new things. In the past year I feel like I have become brainless and started settling into ways in which I am not happy. Thankfully, my personality is not letting that mindset take over. So in the last month, I have learned how to change my oil, drive a stick shift (decently), bake banana bread, and load and fire a pistol. Today, a great friend of mine who I happened to run into a few weeks ago at the perfect time of my life, took me to shoot a gun. I haven't done that in so long, and I never knew what I was doing when I did. Today he taught me how to load the ammo and actually aim at something. I felt awesome. I know something new, even though I won't really need that skill.

 
You can't see it very well, but I hit it right in the middle! So awesome. Apparently I like to hit in the throat and groin, so don't mess with me.

Ben and I go a little ways back, a few years. We dated for a little bit but because of my fear of commitment I ran the heck away. Thankfully, we have been able to reconnect without any hard feelings that I know of. It was the perfect time too. I was at Panera getting soup for Zach because he was sick, and in came Ben and his dad. I couldn't wait to give him a hug. I had been missing my friends so terribly that seeing him just overjoyed me. I swear God plays my life like a game of chess. He's orchestrating every move by bringing in the people I need most at the perfect time. It's such a beautiful thing.

So anyway, I shot a gun today and it was awesome.

They are here

I have received the two things I was waiting for.

My GRE scores: they were average. I mean completely average, dead in the middle. Now I have to wait for a letter from MTSU. That determines on whether I get into grad school. Then I can decide if I want to go.

The financial paperwork came in: who cares? It's not as bad as I thought it would be so there is joy in an easy fix.

 

Finding it

There are so many things I have been thinking about writing. There has been so much going on in my life and in my head for the last year, and trying to figure it out is like one of those mensa puzzles with no solution.

I was going to write about my brother, and how all of a sudden he is having seizures. About how I completely disagree with my parents decisions on said seizures. I was going to talk about how awesome of a kid he is, yet at 21 he has no idea who he is. He makes people smile and lights up a room. He has no inhibitions or qualms with anyone. He is so true to the God he believes in, and I don't even think he realizes it. He loves.

I was going to talk about that, but I also thought about writing about my new journey of finding myself. I was gonna start with the kayaking trip I recently went on. I would've posted pictures. I was going to write about all my great friends and how God has placed each person in my life at just the right time. I was going to elaborate on a new person each day. Maybe I still will. I need something to blog about.

But then tonight happened: The Last Rodeo. Brooks and Dunn had their final concert tonight, and I actually got to attend. It was more than I could have asked for in a concert. There were tears, laughter, screaming, and drinking. It was a true country concert, which I had never attended. I always feel inspired when going to concerts. I am there watching people of all ages living out their dream. They are traveling the globe, getting paid for it, and doing what they love. That's what I want, but I can't sing. So instead of moping about my lack of musical talent, I get inspired by their motivation and their love for what they do. It makes me wonder if I will ever find that. I am trying to be passionate about all that I do, but there is not that ONE thing I have always wanted to do with life. It makes things complicated when people ask me what I want to do. I struggle on a daily basis about this. I am trying to not think about it as much and just do what I want to and love doing it. Too many things in life are getting in the way of my happiness, but it's hard to know what they are when I don't know where my happiness is in the first place. So anyway, seeing Brooks and Dunn or any artist makes me want to seek out those things more and more. The search for happiness has begun. Hey! Maybe someone will make a movie about my journey through blogging. :)

Waiting

I am waiting for:

• a letter that informs me of my GRE scores to give me a decision on grad school
• a package that will determine a huge financial step in my life

And until those two things arrive I am sort of at a stand still with a couple things. I am just waiting for answers, waiting for change. I am a person of motivation and impatience, so it is killing me to have to wait. When people tell me to just do something, I really want to. Life has made me more cautious though, which I think is a horrible reality. For now, I will wait, but in the process I will search for answers to other things. I will find out how to get rid of the cautiousness I have undertaken. I want to be carefree again.