Finding it

There are so many things I have been thinking about writing. There has been so much going on in my life and in my head for the last year, and trying to figure it out is like one of those mensa puzzles with no solution.

I was going to write about my brother, and how all of a sudden he is having seizures. About how I completely disagree with my parents decisions on said seizures. I was going to talk about how awesome of a kid he is, yet at 21 he has no idea who he is. He makes people smile and lights up a room. He has no inhibitions or qualms with anyone. He is so true to the God he believes in, and I don't even think he realizes it. He loves.

I was going to talk about that, but I also thought about writing about my new journey of finding myself. I was gonna start with the kayaking trip I recently went on. I would've posted pictures. I was going to write about all my great friends and how God has placed each person in my life at just the right time. I was going to elaborate on a new person each day. Maybe I still will. I need something to blog about.

But then tonight happened: The Last Rodeo. Brooks and Dunn had their final concert tonight, and I actually got to attend. It was more than I could have asked for in a concert. There were tears, laughter, screaming, and drinking. It was a true country concert, which I had never attended. I always feel inspired when going to concerts. I am there watching people of all ages living out their dream. They are traveling the globe, getting paid for it, and doing what they love. That's what I want, but I can't sing. So instead of moping about my lack of musical talent, I get inspired by their motivation and their love for what they do. It makes me wonder if I will ever find that. I am trying to be passionate about all that I do, but there is not that ONE thing I have always wanted to do with life. It makes things complicated when people ask me what I want to do. I struggle on a daily basis about this. I am trying to not think about it as much and just do what I want to and love doing it. Too many things in life are getting in the way of my happiness, but it's hard to know what they are when I don't know where my happiness is in the first place. So anyway, seeing Brooks and Dunn or any artist makes me want to seek out those things more and more. The search for happiness has begun. Hey! Maybe someone will make a movie about my journey through blogging. :)