While I was working yet another tiring shift at work this morning, lunchtime arrived. We always get a pretty good after church crowd, and I saw this pastor walk in. I had attended his church for a few weeks after I met him at the coffee shop. It was an odd meeting actually. He was upset because it was an extremely busy day and it was taking too long to get his order. It really was, he was totally legit in being angry. I recognized him because Zach had brought this newspaper home with an ad about this church. The ad was extremely dramatic, but interesting so we looked up the website and saw some videos. I ended up asking the guy if he was the pastor of that church, and he got totally embarrassed about being upset. I was not judging or implying anything when I asked him, but it was kinda funny. Anyhow, we got to talking about church and all that. He seemed to have some awesome ideas for how the church is actually supposed to be. So, Zach and I went a few times. It was ok. It was small and churchy. I can handle that just fine. There was one Sunday in particular though that the pastor made the congregation feel guilty for not singing. No offense, but I don't always like to sing in church, never have really. Besides that one awkward Sunday, no one really made an effort to get to know us. I had a few guys talk to me when I went alone the first time, but when I brought Zach no one talked to us. It was just annoying and typical. I felt like I was in high school, but at least I knew the pastor right? Nope...he didn't even recognize me. Not the first time that has happened. However; today when he came into the shop he recognized me right away as the girl he had talked to before. He still had no recollection of me ever attending his church. I even talked to him once at the church.
I was kind of hoping he wouldn't remember me, because I did not want to get into why I wasn't coming to church anymore. But, it kind of hurt more and reiterated why I don't go to church when he didn't remember me ever coming at all. This has happened to me more than once where I leave a church and not a soul ever checks in with me. They may hear through the grapevine, but they never really check in on me. That hurts more when it was a church I was extremely involved with. Anyhow, that is all one big reason I do not go to church anymore. That sense of family is not there. I get that more with the people I work with, the family I do have, and the friends I have made.
I'm sorry friend. I've experienced that so many times myself. I've been on both sides. Growing up, I was told that the reason these people say that n one pays attention to them is because they just sit back and wait for people to come over to them and make them a part of the group without that person making any effort to insert him or herself into the group. Well first few people at churches I haven't grown up in make any effort at any contact whatsoever; and second when I was attending a church I had not grown up in I tried very hard to talk to people and introduce myself and join in... to no avail. The sad thing about that church was that some people I HAD grown up with were also attending, and they never even so much as nodded in my direction. These people claim to be so loving and so desiring for you to come and join they're "family," but unless you have an "in" with them they don't even notice you. That's why I consider my "Church" (as in "Church Family" which is some ridiculous and confusing name given by Christians to mean a group of fellow believers who care about each other and the message they are supposed to carry) my friends like you and my own family. We may not meet in a building and read bulletins and sing (or not sing :) ) songs, but support and love and care for each other as we do our best to live lives that carry the message we are supposed to bring.
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful woman and I just love you to pieces. I'm still praying you'll get moved out here someday :)
I'm sorry that had to happen to you. Don't be sad, your friends and family will always be there, even when "the church" fails you. *big hug*
ReplyDeleteI understand that feeling though. Every time I attend church, I know no one recognizes me. No one says hello to me or anything. I did have a pastor check in on me a few times via phone when I stopped going, but every time they'd call, they were trying to get me to join. They'd ask how I was, I'd tell them, and then they'd ask me to join the church. It was like...that's all they wanted was more members. In fact, I met with one of the pastors in person, and after a long talk about spirituality, she told me I should join, and I should get my family to join. It felt so off. :/